I like this old idea from Japan that we have three faces: one for the world, one for our close ones and one for ourselves, and only when the three align can we find the purest happiness possible. Your idea of not locking things away from those around us made me think of that.
Wow, didn't expect the article to take these various pathways on "locked garden patches". So cool to join your little string of thoughts and associations. I think I want to add two things (introvert deciding between under- and oversharing, right?)
#1: I admire your parents for how they managed the situation with the burglars and also implemented this mindset of "don't put material value on things". That's so thoughtful and genuine. Related to the cultural differences, I have some funny insights from my time living on Svalbard where there is literally no criminality. People leave all their front doors unlocked, even during night (and remember, there are month of total darkness in the Arctic). It's for polar bear safety reasons and providing escape in case a polar bear is roaming the settlement. Further, there is a saying that "nothing ever gets lost on Svalbard. It just gets dislocated". And I had several experiences of lost items making it back to their owners in the most incredible ways. One includes dropping an Earpod somewhere along the shore in fall and someone found it after winter, posted it in a lost & found forum, a friend noticed it, got it, brought it back to Germany and then sent it via mail to me. It was still working (though the battery would only hold for 3 minutes :D).
#2 I have constant discussions with Sven why I am not proactively sharing more in conversations or simply stop way too early in my stories. Well, I feel exactly like you: If no one seems interested, asks for more details, etc., I simply can't get myself convinced to continue talking even though I would like to share more.
Wow, what a wholesome story about Svalbard 😍 so cool!! I had a sentence in the piece that I eventually deleted, but it said: the more north you go, the less fear for crime. So it might be true reading this story.
And on you #2 exactly same in our household 🤷🏻♀️ I'm kind of 'happy' to read many others recognize this to be honest!
Yes, it is absolutely true about the further you go north. While studying in Sweden, it was already quite usual that people won't lock there doors or cars (at least in the countryside). I would also feel absolutely save leaving my things in a café while going to the bathroom.
And while I was studying on Svalbard, I was living in a student housing with 300 other students - and most of them would NEVER lock their doors. And yes, there were funny stories of people ending up in the wrong rooms after some good parties.
This is a really interesting concept, Marie! I love the way your theory relates to so many aspects of life - it's very clever.
It's a hard balance to strike - locking and unlocking yourself, your emotions, etc - but I guess the fun of life is to attempt to figure it out. And learn a lot along the way (!).
PS I would say that to me, as a bit of an extrovert, there's no such thing as 'meaningless conversations'... even chatting to a stranger about the weather is interesting to me because we are, on some level, trying to find common ground and go from there. Just a random point I thought I'd add.
Alexa, as an introvert, I've learned to "chat" even about the weather because, exactly as you said, it's a way to find common ground. I've adjusted my quiet nature to experience and enjoy small talk.
I think we have to inspect our past with compassion, not regret. It’s a journey. A few wrong turns made us the person we are. Being self - aware is sometimes a bitter sweet journey ! Onwards, fellow warriors 😀
Like you, an introvert, I liked how you pointed out we're cautious to share deeper emotions/thoughts. My two cents is that if we voice something important to us we want someone to care for that information as if it was their own. So, more often than not, we don't share. Marie, another thing you brought up is the gurus and, I'm adding this, how there's a paywall to, otherwise, free information inside of you. I enjoyed everything. you highlighted in this post.
The story symbolizes our hidden selves, the things that we only know to ourselves. Unless I revealed, no one would know. You ll only hear guesswork or even conspiracies. Time to listen to the other side of the story to get out of our heads.
The story symbolizes our hidden selves, the things that we only know to ourselves. Unless I revealed, no one would know. You ll only hear guesswork or even conspiracies. Time to listen to the other side of the story to get out of our heads.
An interesting take on the culture of different places and how it affects us mentally as well.
A good note on not believing the fake fad of overnight success. Many don’t know that that overnight was many years in the making or completely fake to begin with.
'If I can unlock my potential, I'll be happy.' - this is a constant battle, I won't lie. If only I [fill in the blank]. Being happy on the other side of the fence. 😄
Ohh yes to the fear factor of creepy noises in the house! The unknown shouts danger in those situations. Was your Schnauzer a giant one? Because we had a mini when I was a kid and in her mind, we were there to protect her!
Hey Marie, this article took unexpected turns for me too. Going from feeling the frustration of people being what I've thought was overly cautious about locking stuff up, to remembering the feeling of violation after breaking and entering, robbery, and vandalism events in my own life, the article was quite a ride.
I did chuckle though at this quote.
"I believe people are not interested in how my workday was, for example. I will only tell things if somebody specifically asks for them." That definitely me. haha
Thank you John! I was a bit nervous to publish it because of the twist and turns, I was not sure if it was gonna make sense for people when reading it 😅
How those robbery events didn't leave a shocking impact for you? I'm so grateful I never got to see those thieves. That would've been a way worse experience.
My mom has been robbed once when she was sitting in her car, they looked her in the eyes, fearless, smashed her window and pulled her bag from under her feet (she was driving and at a red light). It was a brand new car. That time she was very shocked from the incident. Who wouldn't ofcourse.
Marie, my mom was robbed when I was a kid and our cars burglarized several times. My brain and spirit recorded those incidents differently from you. You had wise parents and they ingrained a spiritual understanding of the material. I learned something new today.
Wow, that must have been frightening for your Mom. I found that those experiences definitely leave an imprint on my psyche. I'm more guarded and inclined to be cautiously protective. At the same time, however, I do find myself wondering what it is I most value. All the "stuff" I can't take with me when I transition from life to Life means less. So I think it's truly people, relationships I want to preserve and protect. Thanks for the thoughtfulness, though. Peace
I loved how many relatable experiences you shared in this article Marie!
As a woman who grew up in the Netherlands, one of the safest places on the planet, and now lives in Brazil—often associated with "violent favelas"—I can relate deeply to your perspective. Here in Brazil, I live in a very safe area where the warmth and friendliness of people are remarkable; they even invite you for a BBQ the first time you meet. Yet, fear is still pervasive. People have alarm systems, neighborhood WhatsApp groups, and some even resort to barbed wire.
There's a constant focus on negativity and crime, coming from a fear mindset that I believe only attracts more of what we don't want. By focusing on the good in people, everything just starts to feel lighter and more positive. I prefer to live this way, although it might be seen as naive.
Yes! The alarm systems and the whatsapp groups, also a thing here!
You are so right about this fear mindset, making things worse I guess.
Have you ever read the book from Rutger Bregman, De Meeste Mensen Deugen? That one really changed my perspective. (Which was already pretty positive anyway)
Lovely storytelling, Marie! It's crazy that your parents have been robbed 15+ times.
I often think about how no one can really know another person. Our inner worlds are so complex that I don't think *we* understand them most of the time. 😆 There are so many interesting things going on under the surface that we normally don't get close to because we don't even know where to begin. Thank goodness for writing, which allows us to explore the depths and share them with others, helping us all feel a little more connected. 💛
Yes! Crazy indeed, it seems like we/they attract it. After I published my boyfriend asked if this number wasn't exaggerated, so I texted mom and we went through all of the incidents, we got these: 2 burglaries at home, 2 cars stolen, 2 handbag robberies, 4 bicycles stolen, 2 car burglaries while traveling, 1 theft of license plates, 1 theft of papers from car, shoes stolen from Maries car, Marie handbag stolen. So yeah, quit a lot of incidents 😂
The worst one was for my mom, when they smashed the window of her car while she was in it.
You saying 'lovely storytelling' is a huge compliment!!
Writing is indeed an amazing way to connect with ourselves, get some more depth, discover new ways of thinking and finding answers to questions.
Thanks Marie, for sharing the thoughts that travelled in such a seemingly meandering path. Without us even asking or prompting! I could learn much from your example, even though it's doubtful I will.
Just last night my bride was expressing her wish that I would share my opinions more without her needing to prompt me! While I unequivocally trust her with my being, I find I may not trust myself to have yet developed a coherent and solid opinion worthy to be shared! Am I afraid to change my mind when more information becomes available? No! Yet, here I am, tending to be quiet, watching, listening, learning. When will I feel that I have a solid enough opinion deserving to be shared? When will I stop locking my development away from easy view?
Sometimes I find it really weird, how I am able to share much more through writing then through talking.
I so recognise your way of thinking, and at the same time I also understand your bride (my partner also asks this of me)... it's just weird if the talking feels forced for me.
I like this old idea from Japan that we have three faces: one for the world, one for our close ones and one for ourselves, and only when the three align can we find the purest happiness possible. Your idea of not locking things away from those around us made me think of that.
What a beautiful concept, Jack, and indeed, it fits in this story. Thanks for sharing!
Wow I love this Japanese ideology! Thanks Jack and thanks Marie for unravelling such an interesting topic of conversation.
Great reference regarding the three faces.
Wow, didn't expect the article to take these various pathways on "locked garden patches". So cool to join your little string of thoughts and associations. I think I want to add two things (introvert deciding between under- and oversharing, right?)
#1: I admire your parents for how they managed the situation with the burglars and also implemented this mindset of "don't put material value on things". That's so thoughtful and genuine. Related to the cultural differences, I have some funny insights from my time living on Svalbard where there is literally no criminality. People leave all their front doors unlocked, even during night (and remember, there are month of total darkness in the Arctic). It's for polar bear safety reasons and providing escape in case a polar bear is roaming the settlement. Further, there is a saying that "nothing ever gets lost on Svalbard. It just gets dislocated". And I had several experiences of lost items making it back to their owners in the most incredible ways. One includes dropping an Earpod somewhere along the shore in fall and someone found it after winter, posted it in a lost & found forum, a friend noticed it, got it, brought it back to Germany and then sent it via mail to me. It was still working (though the battery would only hold for 3 minutes :D).
#2 I have constant discussions with Sven why I am not proactively sharing more in conversations or simply stop way too early in my stories. Well, I feel exactly like you: If no one seems interested, asks for more details, etc., I simply can't get myself convinced to continue talking even though I would like to share more.
Wow, what a wholesome story about Svalbard 😍 so cool!! I had a sentence in the piece that I eventually deleted, but it said: the more north you go, the less fear for crime. So it might be true reading this story.
And on you #2 exactly same in our household 🤷🏻♀️ I'm kind of 'happy' to read many others recognize this to be honest!
Yes, it is absolutely true about the further you go north. While studying in Sweden, it was already quite usual that people won't lock there doors or cars (at least in the countryside). I would also feel absolutely save leaving my things in a café while going to the bathroom.
And while I was studying on Svalbard, I was living in a student housing with 300 other students - and most of them would NEVER lock their doors. And yes, there were funny stories of people ending up in the wrong rooms after some good parties.
This is a really interesting concept, Marie! I love the way your theory relates to so many aspects of life - it's very clever.
It's a hard balance to strike - locking and unlocking yourself, your emotions, etc - but I guess the fun of life is to attempt to figure it out. And learn a lot along the way (!).
PS I would say that to me, as a bit of an extrovert, there's no such thing as 'meaningless conversations'... even chatting to a stranger about the weather is interesting to me because we are, on some level, trying to find common ground and go from there. Just a random point I thought I'd add.
Ooh! I love that addition, it's so valuable to understand your pov. Thank you for reading and commenting! I truly appreciate it.
Alexa, as an introvert, I've learned to "chat" even about the weather because, exactly as you said, it's a way to find common ground. I've adjusted my quiet nature to experience and enjoy small talk.
I love this! There’s a lot of common ground to explore - probably more than we think :)
I love that the potential is to be anything you want, even if you just choose comfort .
I feel a distinct pressure to be a human do-ing instead of just a human be-ing.
Wow Liny, that saying 'human do-ing instead of human be-ing is spot on. So on point 👏🏻👏🏻
Human do-ing. Human be-ing. I'm just learning the be-ing part...at 51 years old...after a career of do-ing. A lot of regret, but it's learning, right?
I think we have to inspect our past with compassion, not regret. It’s a journey. A few wrong turns made us the person we are. Being self - aware is sometimes a bitter sweet journey ! Onwards, fellow warriors 😀
Like you, an introvert, I liked how you pointed out we're cautious to share deeper emotions/thoughts. My two cents is that if we voice something important to us we want someone to care for that information as if it was their own. So, more often than not, we don't share. Marie, another thing you brought up is the gurus and, I'm adding this, how there's a paywall to, otherwise, free information inside of you. I enjoyed everything. you highlighted in this post.
The story symbolizes our hidden selves, the things that we only know to ourselves. Unless I revealed, no one would know. You ll only hear guesswork or even conspiracies. Time to listen to the other side of the story to get out of our heads.
The story symbolizes our hidden selves, the things that we only know to ourselves. Unless I revealed, no one would know. You ll only hear guesswork or even conspiracies. Time to listen to the other side of the story to get out of our heads.
An interesting take on the culture of different places and how it affects us mentally as well.
A good note on not believing the fake fad of overnight success. Many don’t know that that overnight was many years in the making or completely fake to begin with.
'If I can unlock my potential, I'll be happy.' - this is a constant battle, I won't lie. If only I [fill in the blank]. Being happy on the other side of the fence. 😄
Ohh yes to the fear factor of creepy noises in the house! The unknown shouts danger in those situations. Was your Schnauzer a giant one? Because we had a mini when I was a kid and in her mind, we were there to protect her!
It was a mini one as well 🩵 he was really the best, but he was protecting us!
Hey Marie, this article took unexpected turns for me too. Going from feeling the frustration of people being what I've thought was overly cautious about locking stuff up, to remembering the feeling of violation after breaking and entering, robbery, and vandalism events in my own life, the article was quite a ride.
I did chuckle though at this quote.
"I believe people are not interested in how my workday was, for example. I will only tell things if somebody specifically asks for them." That definitely me. haha
I truly enjoyed the article though.
Thank you John! I was a bit nervous to publish it because of the twist and turns, I was not sure if it was gonna make sense for people when reading it 😅
How those robbery events didn't leave a shocking impact for you? I'm so grateful I never got to see those thieves. That would've been a way worse experience.
My mom has been robbed once when she was sitting in her car, they looked her in the eyes, fearless, smashed her window and pulled her bag from under her feet (she was driving and at a red light). It was a brand new car. That time she was very shocked from the incident. Who wouldn't ofcourse.
Marie, my mom was robbed when I was a kid and our cars burglarized several times. My brain and spirit recorded those incidents differently from you. You had wise parents and they ingrained a spiritual understanding of the material. I learned something new today.
yes, I’m very grateful for how they handle the situations! Thank you for reading Norm!
Wow, that must have been frightening for your Mom. I found that those experiences definitely leave an imprint on my psyche. I'm more guarded and inclined to be cautiously protective. At the same time, however, I do find myself wondering what it is I most value. All the "stuff" I can't take with me when I transition from life to Life means less. So I think it's truly people, relationships I want to preserve and protect. Thanks for the thoughtfulness, though. Peace
I loved how many relatable experiences you shared in this article Marie!
As a woman who grew up in the Netherlands, one of the safest places on the planet, and now lives in Brazil—often associated with "violent favelas"—I can relate deeply to your perspective. Here in Brazil, I live in a very safe area where the warmth and friendliness of people are remarkable; they even invite you for a BBQ the first time you meet. Yet, fear is still pervasive. People have alarm systems, neighborhood WhatsApp groups, and some even resort to barbed wire.
There's a constant focus on negativity and crime, coming from a fear mindset that I believe only attracts more of what we don't want. By focusing on the good in people, everything just starts to feel lighter and more positive. I prefer to live this way, although it might be seen as naive.
Yes! The alarm systems and the whatsapp groups, also a thing here!
You are so right about this fear mindset, making things worse I guess.
Have you ever read the book from Rutger Bregman, De Meeste Mensen Deugen? That one really changed my perspective. (Which was already pretty positive anyway)
Lovely storytelling, Marie! It's crazy that your parents have been robbed 15+ times.
I often think about how no one can really know another person. Our inner worlds are so complex that I don't think *we* understand them most of the time. 😆 There are so many interesting things going on under the surface that we normally don't get close to because we don't even know where to begin. Thank goodness for writing, which allows us to explore the depths and share them with others, helping us all feel a little more connected. 💛
Yes! Crazy indeed, it seems like we/they attract it. After I published my boyfriend asked if this number wasn't exaggerated, so I texted mom and we went through all of the incidents, we got these: 2 burglaries at home, 2 cars stolen, 2 handbag robberies, 4 bicycles stolen, 2 car burglaries while traveling, 1 theft of license plates, 1 theft of papers from car, shoes stolen from Maries car, Marie handbag stolen. So yeah, quit a lot of incidents 😂
The worst one was for my mom, when they smashed the window of her car while she was in it.
You saying 'lovely storytelling' is a huge compliment!!
Writing is indeed an amazing way to connect with ourselves, get some more depth, discover new ways of thinking and finding answers to questions.
Thanks Marie, for sharing the thoughts that travelled in such a seemingly meandering path. Without us even asking or prompting! I could learn much from your example, even though it's doubtful I will.
Just last night my bride was expressing her wish that I would share my opinions more without her needing to prompt me! While I unequivocally trust her with my being, I find I may not trust myself to have yet developed a coherent and solid opinion worthy to be shared! Am I afraid to change my mind when more information becomes available? No! Yet, here I am, tending to be quiet, watching, listening, learning. When will I feel that I have a solid enough opinion deserving to be shared? When will I stop locking my development away from easy view?
Sometimes I find it really weird, how I am able to share much more through writing then through talking.
I so recognise your way of thinking, and at the same time I also understand your bride (my partner also asks this of me)... it's just weird if the talking feels forced for me.
I liked your story with cartoon pictures! Your story was excellent!
Thank you Marie!!