I had the weirdest week.

Something with dating and insecurity.

AI image generated with DallE

How can your life change completely in one week and simultaneously feel like nothing has changed except you?

The weirdest thing happened to me 2 Fridays ago.

I went out for dinner and drinks with one of my longtime friends. She's flamboyant and very fashionable, so I dressed up. I wore a nice outfit, put on makeup, and went out.

We had drinks, food, and a lovely time.

We were about to go home when the waitress came to our table.

"What else would you like to drink? An offer from those two gentlemen over there."

I said to Marie (we share the same name): This ONLY happens when I go out with you.

I don't have that effect on men.

So we ordered the drinks, and before long, we talked with the two gentlemen.

And the strangest thing happened. I felt this vibe and undeniable attraction with one of them. He only seemed to have eyes for me.

Electricity in the air.

He asked for my number.

On Sunday, we went on our first date.

And I was so nervous. I hate going on dates. I'm always on edge, not opening up, and sometimes even a bit awkward. I want to make a good impression, and I want the person on the opposite side to like me. But I was also nervous because of the tension I felt on Friday. And I wondered if I would still feel attracted to him.

The date was lovely.

He got me talking a lot - which usually doesn't happen.

I love to redirect conversations onto the other person to avoid talking about myself. I even still do it with my friends and family. (Not consciously, but I started noticing recently.)

Anyway. We went on three dates in one week. We whatsapped every day. I felt alive.

But then, he had to move on.

He was only here for one week because of his job. He isn't Belgian and lives far from me, so I knew we only had one week. Plus, his job is very demanding and doesn't leave much space for anyone, let alone dating.

And as much as I told myself: have fun, enjoy the moment, don't try to control this, let go.

I could and couldn't.

There are two sides to this story.

I'll start with the 'dark' side.

The dark side of dating

Gosh, I saw that negative voice in my head creeping up and taking over completely.

The nasty things it tells me. No wonder I feel sad. The level of insecurity is insane. It's like - when it comes to men or dating - I got stuck into this teenage phase. Thinking like a 16-year-old. "Why is he not answering?" "The least he could do is to let me know we can't meet up.", "I probably said the wrong things.", "He's only interested in how I look.", "He doesn't care about you.", "You'll never hear from him again."... Not nice.

There's this massive fear of getting rejected.

It sits so deeply - it must come from an old fear.

The fear of rejection makes me attach too much to the other person.

I want him to text me, to tell me he likes me and wants to see me. (And this only happens in my head; I'm not bombarding him with messages, pleas to meet me, or anything like that.)

I become irrational for moments.

And the insecurity gets blown out of proportion when I date.

That's actually why I hate dating: the insecurity that comes with it when it goes well.

I'll start checking my phone all the time for messages. I'm thinking about it too much, fantasizing about conversations. It takes over. I can't focus like I'm used to, my routines are messed up, and I get out of balance completely.

But seeing this inner dialogue unfold so loudly, I'm now understanding.

This insecurity isn’t just about dating. The same fear shows up when I think about building something of my own.

I fear rejection by my readers for my work, my writing, and any product I might build. And then it's easier to do nothing at all—just to let it be—because then nobody can reject me.

I've been thinking about getting a regular job again—going for the easy path—all because of my insecurity and wanting to take back control. But it's getting me stuck. I'm at a standstill.

Now. We need to take a breath. Pause.

Just like with the dating story, I will give myself some grace to get over it. I'll probably need a week or so, and then I'll get moving again.

Of course, there's also a beautiful part to this story.

The bright side.

I opened myself up again. I've let somebody pass my fences. I feel very alive. I feel a lot.

I've met a kind, funny, smart, and sweet man. He was interested in me and took the time to get to know me, even with this demanding job.

The reality is that it wasn't scary; this insecurity I experienced was entirely useless.

Dating him was fun! And exciting! I felt safe, I felt seen.

This makes me feel positive and hopeful for the future.

The idea I can walk into a bar—thinking it would be a regular evening—and then meet someone who makes me feel good.

It's beautiful. It's life. It's the most human thing ever.

And then the mysterious ways of how attraction works. Fascinating.

I'm thrilled that this happened.

It brought me closer to myself. It gave me insights and hope.

And who knows? If it's in the cards, our paths will cross again. I trust whatever is supposed to happen will happen.

AI image generated with DallE

Dating as a millennial is messy. (Heck, dating is messy at any age.) We are not teenagers anymore. We are all grown-ups who have lived many different stories. But it's better. I like to meet grown-up men who behave like grown-ups.

I don't have Tinder, and I'm not planning on installing any app soon. I want to meet people in real life—old school. It might take weeks, months, or even years before the right one passes, but that's okay. He'll pass by.

The thing is: getting your ass out there is what you need to do.

It won't happen when you spend all the time alone behind your phone.

You need to go places and do things you like to do.

And before you know it, you'll meet the most interesting people.

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I never imagined writing such a deeply personal story, but it felt like the subject for this week. And I'm happy I did write this piece. It's therapeutic.

I’m super nervous about publishing, but I hope you like it!

Thank you for reading.

Lots of love,

Marie

xxx

PS. I published a paid article last week. Check it out if you want to get a peak behind the scenes!