I can't keep escaping.

Travel inspires me. But I don’t want to run forever.

AI image, generated with DallE

I came home with a dozen half-written drafts, none of them finished. And I’m starting to wonder: do I need to leave home to feel creative? When I'm travelling, writing ideas flow effortlessly, but since I'm back home, not so much.

I lost my writing mojo!

I've sat behind the desk several times to write, but never felt my usual flow overcome me. This scares me because I started relying on this skill. For everything I write these days, I constantly think, "Nope, not good enough."

Something about being home is not serving my creativity.

When I returned last week, I realized I immediately fell back into my old "working from home" habits. I would do my usual morning routine: wake up, walk Lola, make coffee, make breakfast, eat it, and then go to my desk.

Why??

I don't need to be behind my desk. I've done this nonstop for over five years. I'm allowed to not even look at my desktop. But I would sit there and do mindless internet activities, like scrolling on LinkedIn. Bah.

It's like I'm not yet fully permitting myself just to be. Instead of asking, 'What should I do today?' I could ask, 'What do I want to do today?’

So I changed things up a bit.

I cleaned, rearranged my cupboards, exercised, ran errands, and read a lot. Aaah, another classic mistake! I turned on project manager mode (as a dear friend called it) - tasks to keep myself busy instead of accepting the present as is.

It's not what I want to do. (Except for the reading, I always want to read)

Honestly, I don't know what I want.

Apart from traveling.

When I travel, life feels like it’s supposed to be that way. Staying present is much easier; it goes almost automatically, especially when surrounded by nature. And now you might wonder: Why don't you just go then, Marie? What's holding you back?

Well, I want Lola (my dog) to come with me. The camper I use to travel with is shared and not always available. I have appointments in my calendar.

Writing these arguments, I immediately realize they are all easily dismissed.

• I don't need a camper - I have my car.

• I can camp or book a cute cabin in the mountains.

• Appointments can be cancelled.

And yet.

If travel is always my fix when I’m uninspired or bored, I’ll never learn to feel at peace at home. Travelling is exciting, but I don’t want to be a nomad. I love home. And if I open my eyes and look around me, it's perfect here and now.

I have everything, and I’m at peace.

So what's the real lesson here?

After every high comes a low.

I went travelling, and it inspired me. When I came home, everything was back to baseline. It’s the same when I have a fantastic weekend away with friends, or a night out, or when on a date.

Dopamine gets high. I’m so in the moment, enjoying it the fullest.

But it has to settle back down eventually.

So…

I’m practicing to be in the Now, during the highs and the lows.

Try to be present more and more, and keep meditating. If you are fully living life Now, it doesn’t really matter if you're feeling high or low.

You just are. And that’s enough.

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Yikes, I feel like I'm starting to sound more like a woo-woo spiritual 33-single woman, but hey! It's helping me navigate my life these days.

(By the way, Eckhart Tolle explains things noticeably better; you should read The Power of Now!)

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With love,

Marie

aka The Bored Millennial

PS: I always come back to this song. Just feels like home somehow and I felt like sharing.