Do I have 'it'?

The grit, the determination, to keep going whatsoever?

AI image generated with DallE (by me)

Everybody says, "Follow your heart" and "Do what you have to do to be happy," but nobody tells you what happens when you actually do it.

At first, there's relief. It feels so good. You've done it, you're proud. You’ve finally let go of the toxic thing that drained your energy.

Then you do something crazy—like travel to the other side of the world.

And then you come home, and it hits you.

The emptiness. The doubts. The complete shift of your existence into something unknown. The constant "What now?" that keeps popping up. The disorienting free time that you don’t quite know how to fill. But deep down, in the back of your mind, you know what to do.

You're just not ready for it yet.

You're scared. What if I fail?

What if I don’t have what it takes?

This is the moment I’m in right now. And I wish it were as simple as some people make it sound: Just do it. Take action. Move forward.

But the truth is—I really can't. Not right now.

My body says NO. It must sleep to recover from an intense trip and adjust to this new reality. But my mind doesn't agree. That relentless voice tells me to get up, shake it off, and start again with boundless energy.

But energy doesn’t just appear. You can’t grab it out of thin air.

So, I’ve decided to be soft with myself (again), to allow my body to recover and slowly build momentum instead of forcing myself to figure it all out at once. It never works that way, anyway.

And I guess most people don’t just quit their jobs and travel the world to join a support crew for a crazy runner (Karel Sabbe) who has set the new Fastest Known Time—31 days and 19 hours—on a 3,053 km trail that spans the length of New Zealand.

I’d bet that’s a pretty unique experience.

And honestly? These six weeks of crewing were brutal. I had to face myself in ways I wasn’t prepared for. It was intense—physically, mentally, and emotionally. It required hard work, determination, and the ability to keep going, no matter what. I did that. I do have ‘it’.

But at what cost?

Because, I know now, very clearly, I need to stop.

I need breaks. I need alone time. I need quiet. I need to sit with a book and stay in one place for more than a few hours.

I spent six weeks in a constant state of overwhelm, and I’m still recovering. But I need to remind myself—loud and clear:

It’s okay; you can take a break.

I met parts of myself I had never seen before. Now, I see them. And that’s beautiful.

When I left for New Zealand, I imagined this trip would be deeply transformative. It would give me answers and be the pinnacle of my already turbulent but transformative year. I’d return home recharged and ready to start over with fresh energy.

But that didn’t happen.

The opposite occurred: I came back with an empty tank.

And now, the question "Do I have 'it'?" keeps surfacing more and more.

There’s a big part of me that believes I’ll be fine. I know that deep in my bones.

But then there’s that other voice.

“Do you have it in you to go the extra mile?”

Time will tell.

Have a lovely week,

Big hug,
Marie

xxx

PS: My trip to New Zealand was also filled with unforgettable moments, incredible views, amazing people, hilarious moments, pushing my physical limits, and adventure. If you want some more insight, read this article.

Me in action in New Zealand